In typical me form, I feel guilty about posting such a measly post and consequently, I'm following it up with a real post.

The funny thing is that no one reads this blog. So who's out there to be upset with me about not posting? No one. Except me. And I don't count. Or I shouldn't count. Or something.

Really though. I'm not a faithful blogger and I don't have an audience, so what compels me to ever add stuff? It's a mystery.

Anyway, as mentioned previously by my sister as well as myself, I'm engaged to my girlfriend of 4+ years.

Now some of you may ask what took so long and I'll tell you. I've had practice answering that. Although I'm still not sure I can explain it properly.

The thing is, I knew that she was the one for me since the beginning. I promise. I never believed in love at first sight until it happened to me. So the four years weren't spent debating on whether or not I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. That was a given.

What took so long was having to change myself. You see, I've never been good about planning for the future. I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, I never knew how to answer the 'Where do you see yourself in five years?' question, and when I had to actually think about the idea of living fifty or sixty more years, it really messed me up. My brain just doesn't work that way. I can think a month in the future, a few if I'm feeling particularly capable, but it just doesn't come naturally to me to be able to actually consider the future.

I feel kind of autistic saying it, but there are just far too many variables in this world for me to think about the future.

Interestingly, Jen (fiancée - not sister) has no trouble thinking about the future. What I think allows her to do it is that she just thinks of an idea and it doesn't matter if it's right or not. When I think of the future though, I'm trying to actually discern what it will be. What I will be. And that can't be done.

So, what took so long was actually accepting the fact that I will live a full life filled with decisions that need to be made, mistakes that I'll have to live with, moments of joy and moments of fear and doubt.

And that's a hard thing to accept if you've never had to do it before.